Men on the whole, In Trinidad and Tobago continue to think of women as their "property." This type of thinking spills over from the history of relationships. Men in our society continue with the idea that "they wear the pants" in the family and the woman has duties to fulfill in the home eg., washing, cooking, cleaning, having their children and raising them while the men bring home the bacon.
As times have changed, women have become more independent than ever. Women work outside the home now more than ever. Men appear to be intimidated by this fact. Simply put, men are having a difficult time accepting the growing independence of their wives, girlfriends and common law partners. Men display a variety of behavours in objection to their female counterparts for their sought after independence.
The first sign of a man objecting to his partners successful attempt at personal independence is accusations of infidelity. The man accuses his wife or girlfriend of "sleeping with the boss" in order to climb the success ladder. This accusation could not be further from the truth, even though it appears to be true in few circumstance. There has been an upsurge in women seeking higher education to increase their chances of success. In these modern times, women are of the understanding that in order to be successful personally and financially, they must attain a level of education; and they have delved into their drive for success.
Men begin following their wives to work, wanting to find out if there's any form of 'wrong doing' by their partner that can be attributed to their success at the work place. In short, men resort to various acts to find out the reason for his partner's success.
Most men begin to feel inadequate in the home when their wives contribute more financially to the household.They equate this ability by their wives to that of losing power in the home as the husband or boyfriend. They begin to think that their wives will demand more say as to what happens inside and out of the home and the biggest threat is to their casual relationships with friends. They worry about what their friends will say to them or about them, if their wives make different choices compared to the choice they will make.
For example, the man being the sole bread winner in the home will usually where they will spend a holiday and with whom. He may choose his friends to go to the beach and how much to spend on the outing. Whereas, the wife with her own income, may choose to spend that day with her parents, grandparents or a different set of friends.
The way of life for men in general stems mostly from the way they were brought up. The older generation produced men who lived at home with their parents until they die. They bring their wives into the same house as their parents and their mother especially continue to function as the main care taker of her "sons." Mothers continued to cook and wash for their sons completely ignoring the wife and what should be the "change" of duties. When the mother's of these men pass on, they look to the wife to continue the "tradition" of taking care of them their mothers did! And this is where the relationship gets strained.
In most instances, the wife does not want to play mother, but rather a partner. They expect the husband to contribute toward the household equally not just financially! The women want to work outside the home, have her own circle of friends, choose where she would like to spend certain days or holidays and these men are just not equipped to handle such a woman.
What then? Do the women just abandon these men who want part wife and part mother? I would hope not! However, a woman who wants to enjoy such independence and freedom and yet, maintain her family's integrity must Never parade her found independence and financial freedom that she has attained; it would be the mistake of a life time. In other words, a woman should never rub her independence in her partner's face. This will make him resentful and could go on a campaign of destroying her accomplishments which usually leads to serious domestic violence.
Then what does she do? Well, for starters, she can continuously talk to her husband, assure him that no matter how independent or financially sound she may be or become, her love and dedication to him will never waver. Assurances never hurt, it can only strengthen the relationship. It is important for the wife to know what and won't push the husband over the edge to start pushing back.
Once a man does not feel his relationship threatened by the wife's independence, he will be at peace. However, there are some men who are stuck in their time capsule and will never accept his wife working outside the home, this is the man that women should be wary of. If possible women who are not married to men with this temperment should hesitate to do so. If already married to such a man, she should definitely seek counseling from a professional; it could mean the difference between life and death.
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