This Photo to the left here: Is Hip Hop Star "Rheanna" and Below is Hip Hop Star "Chris Brown". He battered her so badly, she was almost unrecognizable.
Domestic Violence does not respect anyone, not even movie and Music Stars!
The Wonderful, Loving and "Jealous of Your Job" Partner.
Domestic Violence respects no one, no matter who you are or where you are, or whom you belong to. Young or old, male or female, good looking or not so good looking, rich or poor, tall or shot or whatever or who ever you are. Domestic Violence and Child abuse is an ugly Monster that lives in the homes of the people of Trinidad and Tobago.
Domestic Violence and Child Abuse is as just a big problem here at home as it is in other parts of the world. The fact is, that 90% of Domestic Abuse and Child abuse go unreported. However, these crimes go unreported because of Fear for the Abuser.
As common knowledge, the likely-hood of police attending the home of a complaint is next to none and when a visit does happen, it almost always result in no arrest, but a reprimand to the abuser "not to do it again or you will get lock up," leaving the abused party, woman or child, in the hands of the abuser.
Further on that, women and children are afraid of their abuser and the retribution they may face for making a report. As we all know, a few "bucks" to the right person and the report or protection order disappears, again leaving the victim to the mercy of the abuser.
If you're a woman in Trinidad and Tobago, gainfully employed, making lots of money, in some cases more than your husband or partner or common law husband, you should be very, very diligent if problems begin to brew because of your job.
Women in Trinidad & Tobago who are enjoying success at work, should always be weary of their partner even in the best of times. The should always be conscious of their partner's behaviour when their jobs becomes a topic. Look for signs that he might be agitated, jealous or even resentful of your position at work or at your measure of success.
If at anytime he makes an issue of you working, your boss, if male, your hours, not spending enough time together because of your job, you children are suffering because of you working, take heed and tread carefully! Trouble could be brewing.
Do not be passive when and if his behaviour becomes volatile and or argumentative. Take threats very seriously, never go to bed angry with him. If you find his anger passes very quickly and he becomes "nice" all too sudden, take that as a hint! something is on his mind, and might not be "flowers."
Talk to someone, your parents, your kids, your best friend, your children. Let someone know about his behaviour. Keep a diary or records about his behaviour; this could be very essential for later on.
Hitting you is totally unacceptable! Do not settle for being hit, not even once. The first "lash" is easy, the second is even easier and will lead to a third. If your Man threatens to hit you or does hit you, the first thing you should do is remove yourself from his presence. Forget about "the house is mine" or "I'll call the police" or "ill call my brother or father or someone else to deal with him." Removing yourself from the situation is the first step in diffusing the situation and making it worse. If he can't see you, he can't argue, threaten or even put his hands on you!
After you've removed yourself, give him a few hours to calm down. If he calls you on your phone, don't ignore his call, this will only make him angrier! Answer his call and be polite, remember, you're looking to diffuse the situation. What happens next should be up to you, it's your decision. If he hits you, you're hit with two choices only. Call the police and have him arrested or stay away from him for a few days, but again, this depends on your particular situation; whether you're married, boyfriend or common law.
If you're Married:
If the man you married hits you, then it's up to you what you want to do. Calling the police will more than likely get him arrested and depends on the injury you received, he will be prosecuted based on that.
Choices:
1. Leave him and call the police. He will get arrested and possibly be jailed. If you love him and want him to continue to be your husband, but afraid of what might happen, you have another choice in the matter; and if he loves you, he will do what is necessary to heal the relationship. Do not make demands of him on your own, he does not have to do anything you say or agree with on your own; a judge can make him do what the court says.
Going back to live with him after being arrested is dangerous and should never happen no matter how many promises he may offer or make. Remember, when he took his marriage vows, one was to love you, protect you, cherish you, until death do you part...many women have had to forcefully obey the last part "till death did they part." They never saw it coming! Ask Ms.Lall.
If you had him arrested, ask the court to order marriage and domestic violence abuse counseling. You must participate with him. Participating with him will show him he's not alone and you're standing up with and beside him for help not for himself alone, but for yourself as well. Remember, you were the victim.
After the counseling period, begin dating again, do not hurriedly move back into the home with him, give it a "cool down" period. Let him put into practice what he has learned in counseling by himself. Allow him time to miss and hurt for you. Allow him to realize how dull and empty his life will be without you, he may learn to be more appreciative of you and your role in his life and in the life of the "home."
After you've dated for a while, assess your comfort level being with him out in society. Take walks away from the hustling and bustling of the city, find quiet places but not out of the way of the public, people must always be easily accessible. dial 911 and have it ready at a second's notice and not have to fumble to dial. Let someone know that you're going to meet him and where you're going and what time you'll be back. Let them know that you'll call them at a certain time and if they don't hear from you, something is wrong and what they should do. Remember, you safety is at stake.
When you feel confident and ready to go back with him, then do so, but lay down the rules when it comes to your job, discussing any concerns he may have, what concerns you and what you expect if you did return. Laying down these simple laws, will help your husband understand what effects his behaviour had on your mental health and what it could mean for the rest of your relationship.
However, If you are afraid to return, no matter he says or does, NEVER, EVER let your guard down and return, this could be detrimental to you! Follow your gut not your heart, sometimes our hearts leads us in the wrong road. Any feelings of discomfort and or concern listen to your feelings, it could make the difference in a life or death matter.. finally, no matter where you may go, always be conscious of your surroundings. Never allow him in your home or where you're staying and be alone with him. Don't fall for tricks of the heart! such as him buying you a present or a ring or something that he knows you're weak toward. The sound of buying a diamins ring "will get your arteries and pores" raised with excitement. Him offering to drop you to work or go for a romantic drive or take you to an expensive place for dinner, could all be a rouse to get you alone to do his bidding.
The Obsessed Husband,Boyfriend or Common Law Partner,
Sabrina Lalla Mitchell, 35, who was stabbed to death by a man with whom she ended an abusive relationship six months ago.
Over the years, I have seen many Trinidadian women lose their lives over trivial things by their husbands. If you're married, dating or just living with a man who is just obsessed with you, you should be very, very careful. Some women take an obsession by a man of her as "romantic," and live off the attention and even boast about it "that man never want me out of his sight" or "he jealous of me so bad" or "a man can't even look at me, he does get vex and want to beat the man," or things like that. Some women wallow in obsession but do not see it as that. In fact, they see obsession as "love" or "over in love" and do not see it as her life hanging in the balance.
A man with this kind of obsession could be easily pushed off the edge by you or another male figure. Men with obsession in most cases, continually look for signs that you may be even remotely looking or interested in another man. If your man is the obsessed type and he is not within ear-shot to hear a conversation you might be having with another man, be it the "fish man" or the "shoe maker" or even the "toilet cleaner" he will begin to perceive this as you being interested in that man or vice versa and this could be problematic for you!
This will be dangerous if he convinces himself that he could lose you to another man. He could take the position like many other men who have either severly wounded or even killed their partners, that if he cannot have you, no one else could. Should he convince himself you could leave him, the mechanics is already in the works to physically injure you, possibly take your life.
My advice to anyone in a relationship such as this, to do what they can to remove themselves from it entirely. As much as you love this individual, he would take your life in a brief second of mental anguish he may have over losing you.
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